Sunday, July 20, 2008

Pump & Pray

Church groups offer cheap gas and draw in a huge crowd.

"Folks from three different churches handed out free sodas and bottled water along with "connection cards," as they squeegeed windows and filled tanks in an effort to help reduce prices at the pump and get motorists closer to God."

What would Jesus do if he were alive today and saw today's high gas prices?

"We really believe that if Christ were alive today that he world be doing the same thing." said one earnest pastor.

Really? God would be offering discounted gas in exchange for the chance to hand you a tract and evangalize? I guess God would be too busy pumping gas to heal all those little kids with cancer, but it's good to know He would care about saving you from high prices at the pump.

History lesson

Clos had a good post (A Challenge to America ) about America's response to global warming, which prompted me to reminisce about the good old days of Jimmy Carter. Say what you like about the peanut farmer, if we had listened then we wouldn't be in the trouble we're in now. Cynthia Tucker expressed it well in her column, which I link here because she says it so much better than I did.

"What if the nation had stuck to the path Carter laid out? What if we had invested billions back then in public transit and alternative fuels? What if we'd made a national campaign of conservation, similar to the successful no-smoking campaign? What if we'd insisted that Detroit continue pushing up fuel efficiency?"

Water under the bridge now, but I hope we as a nation are ready to make the difficult decisions that lie ahead.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Pet Peeve

Every Saturday our local paper prints a Religion section, which I am sure is common to most newspapers. Most of the time I ignore this section except to read the comics, but today the headline caught my eye: IN THE BEGINNING...AT THE CREATION MUSEUM IN PETERSBURG, KY. The article is basically one big infomercial complete with ticket prices and admission information. There are quotes from wide eyed tourists, Mark Looey, and Answers In Genesis. One of my favorites "Why would a powerful, loving God, use such a cruel and wasteful form as natural selection?" and "if you can't believe him (god) in everything, how can you believe him in anything?" Read the full article for more laughs.

What peeves me is that the newspaper prints this article as though a creation museum is something that should be taken seriously. Placing the article in the Religion section doesn't exempt the paper from using a little critical reporting. This is not an isolated incident as this newspaper has a definite Christian bias. Why would an editor check his brain at the door and give the Creation Museum a free plug?

Friday, July 18, 2008

People are dying and going to hell at a rate of about 1.7 people every second.

"When you compare these belief systems with the Bible you have a good idea how many people believe in the Biblical plan of salvation. According to these studies, 7% of the world's population has accepted the Biblical plan of salvation. Even if this research is wrong and 75% of the world is going to Heaven, that still means that 40 thousand people are going to Hell every day. Clearly, any way you look at it, there is still a tremendous amount of work that needs to be done. "

Clearly, any way you look at it, God is a jerk.

God's salvation plan has a 93% failure rate. Only 7 out of 100 people make it to heaven. Imagine if God were evil instead of good. 100% of us would be in hell! That would be 54,655,470 tortured per year instead of 54,300,000. With God on our side, who needs Satan?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Bug Wars

This is for Flinging Dust

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Family man or pervert

Mr Smith, a unemployed widower, living as a recluse in a cave, claimed to social workers that he had been raped by his daughters after they had first gotten him drunk. The case came to social workers attention after his two pregnant teenagers tried to collect welfare benefits. Mr Smith has a history of alcohol abuse and has previously threatened his daughters.

Based on the above report, pick a correct response:

a) an investigation should be immediately launched against Mr Smith, he should face criminal charges, and his daughters should be removed from the home.

b) Mr Smith is telling the truth, no further action is necessary.

Congratulations if you chose "a". You are a normal rational person.

Open your bibles and read Genesis 19, the story of Lot's daughters. Same story, opposite conclusion. Lot's version of events, unlike the fictitious Mr Smith's, is completely acceptable to those who believe the bible. No one questions this unlikely account, no matter how preposterous it sounds to modern ears.

Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.- KJV

The continuation of Lot's family line is the central point of this bible fable. It originated as a "just so" story about how the Ammonites and Moabites came to be a people, and over time the tale was modified to put the patriarch in a better light. Do not allow the bible to perpetuate the myth that those who are abused in a relationship wanted, instigated, or deserved what they got. Genesis 19 should be read with the understanding that Lot deliberately, willfully, and repeatedly had sexual relations with his daughters. Lot had sex with his daughters for the same twisted sick reasons that men continue to have sex with their daughters today. And like all predators he put the blame on the victim. The bible covers his crimes with lies and encourages others like him.

He was a sick M*F*

Monday, July 14, 2008

Pretty, but what is it?

It's a flower. Anyone know what it's called?


The unknown flower has been identified as Buttonbush (Cephalanthus occidentalis)

Disaster Averted

Just sit right back & you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave & sure.
Four passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour,
A three hour tour
The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the courage of the fearless crew
The Minnow would be lost,
The Minnow would be lost.

To make a long story short, we took two inflatable boats out on the delta for a day trip on the Bartram Canoe Trail. Lest you say this is a foolhardy thing to do- well I guess we've learned a lesson or two. The hard way. Heading home, we were overtaken by a thunderstorm. We took shelter in an inlet under the canopy of trees hoping that if lightning couldn't see us, it couldn't stike us. While waiting for the storm to pass I wondered idly if the next boom of thunder would be the last thing I'd hear before arriving at the Lake of Fire, but luckily I don't believe in a place of eternal damnation. At least the rain cooled us off, because by afternoon it certainly was hot as hell.

After the storm let up we ventured out, tired and anxious to get home. Took a wrong turn and as we were making our way out, the first boat snagged on a log. Bubbles exploding out of the water confirmed the worst- a puncture. The second boat turned to help and hooked on an underwater branch.

More bubbles.

Mad scramble for life jackets.

Four people, two disabled boats, one mile from the landing.

No help in sight and more thunderstorms on the way.

So needless to say we spent the next several minutes in a panic. Slowly we realized this was not the Titanic and nobody was going down with the ship. A second assessment of the situation proved we were still afloat and could navigate. Paddling slowly, we limped back to the landing. Wet and bedraggled, but safe and sound at last.

Post Script

After a shower, dry clothes, and a cold beer we decided we would patch the boats and go back out again next week. Except for the last couple of hours, it was a fabulous day! Life's too short to stay home. And as soon as our IRS refund check comes in we'll buy a REAL kayak.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


This is the comment that did not make it past Ray's censorship:

"Look: the power in his thighs, the pulsing sinews of his belly. His penis stiffens like a pine; his testicles bulge with vigor."

Verse 16: "Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly."
Verse 17: "He moves his tail like a cedar . . . "
Verse 17: " . . . the sinews of his stones are wrapped together."

From Thursday, July 10, 2008
The Dinosaur in the Bible

Christmas in July

The question was asked "Is the Repent or Burn in Hell Ministry for real?"

Yes, Virginia it is. Santa is real too but he's going to Hell.

(official name: New Life Gospel Ministries - Repent or Burn in HELL)


The definition of faith is paddling around alligator infested waters in an inflatable kayak.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Hell Van

This van has been parked at a local strip mall parking lot forever. I thought it had been abandoned because it was always in the same spot. The day I go to take a picture before it's towed off is the day there is someone in the van eating lunch! There are more choice words written on the other side. Next time, if I work up my nerve, I will get some better shots. These people are creepy! God HATES You. How subtle is that?

Hello World!

First order of business: collect all the blogs I like to read in one handy list. I hope I am not violating any rules of blog etiquette by adding these links to my site without a formal request. However, rest assured. No one will notice because this site is not going to generate traffic.

Second: think of many many ways to embarrass my grown children. Hey, I offered to sign up for My Space- but nooooo, that would be so uncool. Anyway, too bad. I can blog if I want to.

This exercise in writing is strictly for my own amusement. Proceed at your own risk! I just follow the rabbits down whatever trail they lead me.